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30 Dec 2016

Draft post lama: Sebab diam.

7 Aug 2015:

Salah satu sebab kenapa diam lebih elok daripada bersuara ialah:

Bising banyak, tak pasti betul.
Diam banyak, sudah pasti tak jadi fitnah.

Lagi banyak aku bercakap,
lagi banyak aku mengata,
lagi banyak aku bercerita,
lagi banyak aku buka mulut,
lagi banyak benda aku kena sampaikan.

Maka dengan itu,
aku bertekad untuk tak lagi bercerita.



29 Dec 2016

Truth.


Feelings can change.
Promises can break.
People can leave.
Memories can fade.
But as we all know, we can't change our past.
And those people will always remain there.

28 Dec 2016

New people.

Someday.



24 Dec 2016

Views.



Alia Mustapha


I like to see clouds.
I like to see buildings.
I like to see unimportant things.

I like to capture them, I like to observe them.
Years ago I take photos frequently.. But as I'm getting busy..I somehow stopped. 
I'll probably capture more. 
That's my life resolution, for now.

😋😀💕


14 Dec 2016

Rama rama.


Kecik kecik dulu, kau pernah buat ops carik ulat bulu tak? 

Dulu kecik kecik aku suka jalan merata naik basikal, cari & kumpul ulat bulu.
Buat botol khas ada lubang angin kat cover yang diperbuat dengan plastik pastu tahan dengan getah.

Daripada ulat bulu, jadi kepompong.
Dan daripada kepompong, lambat laut jadi kupu-kupu/rama-rama.
Dan bila dah jadi kupu-kupu/rama-rama, kita lepaskan biar jadi bebas.


Apa aku nak cakap kat sini, 
macam mana kita jaga sesuatu benda..kalau dah tiba masa untuk lepaskan, 
kita lepaskan. 

Benda yang sama kita kena buat, bila kita kisah kat orang.
Sayang tak bermakna bakal kekal disisi selamanya.
Terkadang kita terpaksa lepaskan juga demi kebaikan dia. 



12 Dec 2016

Being hospitalized.


So last week aku masuk hospital. Influenza B + Acute Bronchitis.
Sebagai a cute person, pasti lah ada acute tu agaknya.
Sebagai seorang baby kepada loved ones, pasti lah ada B tu.
Eh.

Tak ramai yang tahu aku masuk hospital.
Yang tahu pun through updates aku from social media je.

Ahaha mamarazzi amik!


Tak ramai juga yang visit, ok juga aku rasa tak ramai visit. Boleh rehat.
Apa apa pun, yang aku tahu loved ones aku ada.
You guys know who you are.

Dah discharge, tapi penyakitnya tak discharge discharge daripada badan lagi.
Semoga cepat lah mual ni hilang sebab aku nak makan luar.

Aku.
Nak.
Sushi!

Dan
Tak
Rela
Nak
Muntah
Lagi
Setiap
Kali
Makan.

Hah!



28 Nov 2016

4 30 pagi.


4 30 pagi.
Celaka, tak boleh tidur lagi.

4 30 pagi,
Celaka, terfikir lagi.

4 30 pagi, 
Celaka, terindu sekali.

25 Nov 2016

Commit.


He's busy with work.
But she's busy with other people. 
He's busy working to earn money.
But she's busy having fun, losing money. 
He's sacrificing his time for the future.
But she's making the sacrifices to seem worthless.  
To commit is scary,
but to have someone who can never commit is scarier.




19 Nov 2016

Rough night.

A picture from 2014 
Sad.
Upset.
Disappointed.
Unhappy.
Depressed.
Down.

Sorry for being like this but I deserve to be not okay at times.
I'll be fine tomorrow.




14 Nov 2016

Losing and gaining.


From every lost, we learn something.
And from every learnt, we gain something.

Some things, takes time.
Some things, takes effort.

Yang jatuh, akan bangun.
Dan yang bangun, takkan kekal berdiri.
Mencuba, itu yang paling penting.

💖💖💕💘💕💖💖


8 Nov 2016

Simple but yet complex.


I know people.
People know me.
But are we friends?
No. 
Acquaintances? Yeap.
Friends? Nope.

Yes, I can physically be attached with someone but emotionally attached to none.
And I prefer a small circle of friends but nonetheless, I'm okay with everyone.

Distance means nothing, but you see..
the stages of being comfortable, the trust level to open yourself up and to just be yourself, it surely can lead to everything.



7 Nov 2016

Changes in the future.

I love the way I get comfortable with someone.
I love the way we can sit somewhere and talk about many things.
I love the way I can open myself up to you.
I love the way we vibe. 


But if someday things change,
promise me that we do it in peace even when it takes time, can you?

3 Nov 2016

Gaduh.


Disebalik rasa ingin gaduh,
terselit rasa rindu.
Disebalik rasa ingin tahu,
terselit ayat "kisah".

Disebalik rasa ingin marah,
lenyap kerna sayang.


1 Nov 2016

Writes.


I observe.
I read.
I listen.
I feel and lastly,
I write.

Because to write down is easier than to speak out.

28 Oct 2016

Sia sia manusia.



Bila terlampau mengharapkan manusia,
akan ada satu masa kau rasa semuanya seperti sia-sia.

Harap lebih, sakit pun lebih.

27 Oct 2016

Diary.


Having a human diary is already enough for certain people.
But to me it can never compete with a blog.

It's the best place;
to write, 
to rant,
to just share all those little things that no one will care
and those unimportant thoughts that no one would listen.

21 Oct 2016

Walk The Moon - Shut Up and Dance (Acoustic)




The song yang boleh buat kaki kau automatically rasa nak bergerak ikut rentak.

18 Oct 2016

Selfish vs Selfless


All I have to do is to understand.
All I have to do is to tolerate.

But I don't think I can..
Because all I want is your attention.
Because all I want is your love.

But hey, I will try my best..
To be there from far away.
To remain calm.
To not make you sad.

Because back to basic, we have to prioritize what's more important.
For you and me to succeed, 
for you and me to be better.

Maybe we can't see it now, 
but trust me it will be worth it in the future.

All the best, 
for us both.

With, or without.

Be safe, be yourself, be better and you better be good!



14 Oct 2016

Balas 1


Asalkan takda rasa dipaksa,
cukup untuk kau tahu yang aku sentiasa ada disisi. 
Asalkan takda rasa terpaksa,
cukup untuk kau tahu yang aku sentiasa ada disini.

Bantu selagi mampu.

Ini bukan sebab orangnya siapa,
Ini bukan sebab dimana,
Ini bukan sebab kenapa,
ini bukan sebab apa.
Soalnya;
Kalau benda yang sama terjadi pada kita, entah siapa datang bantu? 
Selagi boleh bantu, kita bantu.
Selagi masih mampu, kita bantu.

13 Oct 2016

Tak semua.


Tak semua mimpi itu indah,
tak semua hari itu cerah. 
Terkadang ada hari kita parah,
terkadang ada juga hari kita rasa musnah. 
Tak mengapa lah, kita cuba bangun sama sama.

10 Oct 2016

Penipuan.

Kalau kebahagiaan bersama yang kau harapkan,
jangan sesekali buat dia gembira dengan penipuan. 
Kerna dia takkan lagi dengar explanation sebagai kebenaran,
tapi hanya dengar semua benda sebagai alasan.

28 Sep 2016

Draft post lama: Pelik.

14 Aug 2015

10 tahun aku kenal kau,
aku tak pernah rasa kau akan kekal lama.
1 hari aku kenal dia,
aku dapat rasa dia bakal jadi kawan aku untuk tempoh masa yang lama,
mungkin juga selamanya.

28 Sept 2016


dan akhirnya, dia pun hilang.
dan magiknya kenalan yang tak pernah aku terfikir pula datang,
muncul dan kekal sampai sekarang.

Entah sampai bila, aku pun tak tahu.
Tapi selagi orangnya mahu, selagi tu aku ada.

21 Sep 2016

I choose.

I choose to let it go rather than fight back,
for the sake of good relation. 
I choose to ignore rather than fight back,
because you're wasting my time. 
I choose to ignore rather than fight back,
because treating wrong people like you the right way is still wrong, to you.
So yeap..
I choose to pay no attention to you,
because you're not worth it. 
Because basically; it's pointless. 
You're not important to me and you're not even a part of my life.
Hopefully you'll feel fulfilled with your life.
Hopefully you'll understand that it's a waste of time to be negative with people.
The best way to deal with people who mistreat you is to let it go and ignore than to do shit to these people.

Now, you shall go and move on.
Go away and just be free,
in order to find your inner peace,
without me in it.

:)(:

5 Sep 2016

From me, to whom it may concern

Part I - 2013
Part II - 2016
The bad in you;
Let me know.
Tell me why.
Show me how.

So that I can accept,
so that I could understand,
so that I would not judge. 
To mistrust a person when the person tell things; it's irrelevant. 
I won't leave, I won't stop and I won't quit. 
All I want is to know you better
and all I need is a chance.
Sincerely, me.
Alia Mustapha






24 Aug 2016

Draft post lama: Heh.


Recently, I look at my old pictures.
I saw the changes of myself..
To feel proud or to question myself, honestly I don't know.
17 January 2016 

9 Aug 2016

Draft post lama: Entah


23 May 2015 
bukan semua dengar,
bukan semua tahu,
bukan semua faham.
terkadang yang peduli itu diam,
dan terkadang yang sebenarnya tak peduli pula bising.


25 Jul 2016

How?


How can you leave just because of an argument and not thinking about how you've sacrificed things for each other, in order to be together? 
How?

21 Jul 2016

No.


Mulut tersenyum, hati menangis.
Muka biasa, hati meronta.

27 September 2015

26 Jun 2016

Semester dua.


Dengan konfidennya aku berkata bahawa hari Ahad esok kelas pertama aku start.
Tanpa aku tahu (ataupun buat buat tak tahu ehe) bahawa aku baru je terlepas kelas pertama aku yang bermula pada hari Sabtu.

Entah.

Semester pertama, pun dah semput.
Semester kedua ni, harapnya sempurna.

Harapnya lah. Takut pula semester ini jadi sembang.

Oh, harini aku join volunteering lagi. 
Yang aku pasti, social anxiety ini tak seteruk dulu.

People aren't that bad..when you don't take them seriously. Hah!

Back to school, on every weekend!
Take a good care of yourself, ya. 
Kata gua, pada cermin. 


21 Jun 2016

What about you?


He's happy.

She's happy.

They're happy.

And what about you? 
Judging them like a saint,
while you sin too? 
mock them like you're perfect,
talk shit about them like you're right all the time. 
Are you satisfied with this?
Are you happy with it?
Do you feel fulfilled by doing this?
You can always advise, but public shaming isn't the tool.
You can always warn, but being derisive isn't the way.
                                                                   Sincerely,
                                                                   Alia Mustapha.

20 Jun 2016

Terima kasih 3.0


"Bongok lah awak ni."
"Awak lagi bongok." 
"Saya sayang awak."
"Terima kasih."
"Eeeeish, cepat la cakap sayang saya balik!"
"Sayang saya balik?"
"Eiii! Benci la awak ni." 

Dalam satu hari, kita boleh gaduh benda bodoh.
Dalam satu hari, kita selalu merindu.
Dalam satu hari, kita boleh ketawa sama dari jauh.
Dalam satu hari, kita selalu borak kosong.
Dalam satu hari, kita boleh sedih sendiri.
Dalam satu hari, kita selalu senyum sama.
Dalam satu hari, kau sentiasa ada.
Tak pernah lagi kau takda. 
Jauh ataupun dekat,
busy mahupun free. 

Maka dengan itu, 
terima kasih untuk itu.


13 Jun 2016

Birthday?



So today yesterday is was my birthday.

My family celebrated it a day before. Lovely.
My small circle of friends wished me, through voicenotes & videos & words. Not to lie, I smiled.
Someone I'm with sang the birthday song on the phone. Not to lie, it's cute.
And a few people wished me too. Awesome.

So here's a life update:
For now, I don't feel that happy.
For now, I feel null as heck.
For now, I'm making someone feel useless because I'm not happy.

The thing is it's not you love, it's me.

I'm getting old.
I'm feeling so adult-ish.
It's just a plain day but with some "shit I'm 22 screw this nobody is around and I'm scared of the future" feeling.

Yes.
Bye for now.

Latest update:
Last night my favorite person came just to see me on my birthday.
That would be enough.

It's just the presence of someone can change everything, especially the one you hope the most.
You don't have to give gift cause you're the gift to me.
And and and.. I'm sorry for being cocky.

Take care!



10 Jun 2016

Dia & Orang Ketiga.


Dia janji untuk setia, tapi betulkah?
Dalam diam hati dah mati. 
Dia janji untuk ada, tapi betulkah?
Terang-terang takda bukti. 
Dan orang ketiga,
tak pernah janji untuk setia tapi sentiasa disisi. 
Dan orang ketiga,
tak pernah janji untuk ada tapi sentiasa cuba menemani. 
Dan dia,
pernah jadi seperti orang ketiga. 
Dan orang ketiga,
mungkin nanti bakal jadi dia. 
Jangan pernah mengharap.

31 May 2016

Null.



- still alive but barely breathing - 


28 Apr 2016

Surat layang.



Yang Berhormat,
Yang Berharap,
Yang Berapi,
Dan Yang Membaca Dalam Diam,
(omg ada ke gila, ahaha)

Hello. 
Cak?
Haha!

Dengan sukacitanya aku menaip..haa yelah, takkan berduka pula.
Aku dapat rasa aku pelik orangnya.

Aku basically orangnya socially awkward.
Nampak sungguh unfriendly.
Nampak sungguh sombong.
Nampak sungguh introvert.
Nampak sungguh pervert..eh. Tak tak ni tipu je.

Tapi bila aku rasa macam aku diterima seadanya,
dengan secara automatiknya aku boleh jadi selamba.

Persoalan sekarang,
bila manusia nak buat aku rasa diterima ni?
Lewlz.




26 Apr 2016

Life update I


Back then I asked my ex-manager about the choice to study or to work.
"Peluang untuk further study, unlimited. Peluang kerja, limited." He said, lebih kurang.

Few months later..
I took the decision to be a part time student on weekends and a full time worker on weekdays (+ half saturday lol).

It's a good choice, I guess.
Good for my future.
Bad for the present time (for some people cause I can't make time for them) (ada ke lol) (just incase)

And few months later.. I resigned. I got into a company where I did my internship.
Few years from now I may have a degree and I may have a stable/steady job.

May.
May.
May.

(Omg kenapa May it's only April kot now) (ok tak lawak)

To be honest, I don't know.

Life is full of unexpected happenings.
And also uncertainties.
And also possibilities.
And also surprises.

For now let's just live (and breath and work and study) as much as I can.

Ayat pendeknya: just follow the flow.
(duh nak gak tulis ayat panjang padahal ayat shortcut ada)
(duh Alia, duh)

Takda flow, pakai Waze lah.
Takda Waze, pakai Google Map.
Ok main main lagi bye

19 Apr 2016

Behave?




The moment you start to argue,
the moment you speak out,
the moment you talk shit,
the moment you misbehave, disrespect..and you talk about manners..

Hah, it's invalid. 

You arguments about how I behave when you can't see the way you behave,
it's irrelevant.

14 Apr 2016

Funny moment.


Today was actually a not-so-casual-day for me.
I smiled to strangers, but they ignored.
I said hi to colleagues, but they look..stressed?

I feel like I'm being disliked by some people, but it's okay.
The reason I'm there is to work and not to socialize, anyway. (whatever it is, respect is still respect)
But a funny moment happened to me, today.

I was taking a short-break alone and when I was on my way to go to the lift,
Someone waited for me to enter the lift with her.
I smiled and said thanks.

The lift was closed.
...
I waited for the lift to open.
...
...it takes time tho'.

But then..
(tengok button lift tak tekan)
Serentak gelak dengan orang tu.
Dedua tak tekan button lif ahahahahaha
Ok tu je bye

Fight-less.


Some people they can be a bitch to you, cause they see you as this small person.
A small person who doesn't fight back.
A small person who doesn't complain that much.
A small person who doesn't do anything when you did things to her/him-selves.
I honestly don't know.
As a small person, I don't fight I don't argue and I don't talk that much.
I observe and I'll try to tolerate and be patient, instead. 
But just be careful. Once I'm done, I can blow.

10 Apr 2016

Sayang tu ada.



Bergaduh non stop.
Semua benda serba tak kena.
Senyap seribu bahasa.
Perasaan ego berleluasa.

Tapi tah macam mana, sayang jatuhkan ego.
Tapi tah macam mana, rindu jatuhkan semua.

7 Apr 2016

Indescribable.



Life,
people,
feelings,
situations.

Can be weird.
Can be unexplainable.
Can be complicated.
Can also be just ok.

Weird, isn't?

18 Mar 2016

Down.


Some patience.
Some time.
Some space.

That's all we I need.

10 Mar 2016

Shh.



Samada kau kisah dalam diam ataupun kau dengki dalam diam,
aku tak pasti.

Yang aku pasti, 
hidup aku tetap tenang walaupun orang macam kau wujud disini.

1 Mar 2016

Mati.


Kisahnya;

jatuh harini, letih harini, 
sedih harini, pedih harini.
 tapi tak mengapa lah, esok cuba lagi.

26 Feb 2016

Draft post lama: Lifeless.


5 Jan 2012: 
I wonder what unemployed people do every day.
I wonder how they can stand this shit.
I wonder how lifeless they think they are.
Aku baru habis sekolah. Lepasan SPM.
Kenapa aku rasa diri aku macam tak guna duduk rumah?
Kawan kawan aku dah kerja.
Tinggal lah aku disini goyang kaki goyang perut duduk rumah.
You know, keseronokan habis sekolah tu temporary je.
Lama lama rasa bosan.
 26 Feb 2016:
It's been four years since I drafted this.
Dear my 2012-self, if only you know how's the 2016-self you.
We used to be unemployed, too.
We used to be lifeless, too.
Ada masa orang jatuh, ada masa orang bangun.
Mungkin belum tiba masa untuk dorang bangun.
Technically bila kerja, kita tak lifeless.
Tapi tah macam mana, kerja pun boleh rasa lifeless.
Sincerely,
The 2016 me. 

 
 
 

22 Feb 2016

Anxiety.


Aku okay,
cuma tahap anxiety aku je tak okay. 


Aku takut nak bersuara depan orang ramai.
Aku takut nak jawab telefon.
Aku nervous bila kena telefon orang aku tak kenal.
Aku paling nervous bila tunggu telefon diangkat.
Aku paling paling nervous bila telefon diangkat.
Aku tak boleh jadi diri sendiri bila dengan sekumpulan orang.
Aku lagi rela menyendiri sebab seram dengan bualan buruk orang yang mungkin hanya fitnah daripada imaginasi aku.

Entah?
Entah.

Okay?
Okay.

11 Feb 2016

Wait, plan, live.





Life.
Life.
Life.

The life I wanna live.
Where are you?

Do I have to wait?
Do I have to plan?
Or do I have to just..live?

17 Jan 2016

Problem.


Too soon to wait.
Too late to leave.