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About me

21 Nov 2017

Draft Post Lama: Barai.

14th June, 2017:
Tak cukup tidur.
Tak cukup dekat.
Tak cukup berani.

Tapi entah macam mana, cukup juga rasa hidup ini. 

:) (:

15 Nov 2017

I'm sorry.


I'm sorry if I talk too much about us, even though we are no longer us.
I'm sorry if I ever talk about our past, even though we are no longer like we were before.
I'm sorry if I ever plan to do things for you, even though I mean nothing to you now.

I'm sorry.
I didn't know that you have someone else now.

I'm sorry.
I didn't know that you found someone else now.

I'm sorry,
I didn't know.

To the third person, I'm sorry too.
I didn't know that I'm actually the third person now.

We all deserve to be happy and to feel loved, without having other people to spoil it.

So here I am, writing..after knowing the truth.
And here I am, officially backing off from people's life.

"Promise me to tell me if you have someone else in mind/life nanti whenever you found someone else so that I'll be completely backing off, boleh?"
So..goodbye. 

8 Nov 2017

Draft post lama: Betul.

20 Oct 2016:
Untuk kedepan, 
kita tak boleh kekal dibelakang.

Untuk kedepan, 
kita tak boleh harapkan semua benda kekal seperti dulu.

Untuk kedepan,
kita tak boleh terus pandang belakang.

To move on..itu perlu.
Kesilapan lepas..juga tak boleh berulang, tahu?


17 Oct 2017

I'm so done.


I thought that I can't live without someone.
I thought that I can't feel okay without someone.

But yes, thoughts can be untrue when it comes to a different time.

Keep moving forward,
don't ever look back,
don't ever think about it anymore.

Because we can never fix things that are already broken.

11 Oct 2017

Pelik.


Yang aku jaga bagai nak rak, 
tak carik aku bila aku suruh pergi.

Yang aku langsung tak rasa nak menjaga, 
sentiasa carik dan kembali walaupun hakikatnya aku suruh pergi.



10 Oct 2017

Throwback tweet: #1

Because I wanna know you. 
I wanna know your flaws, 
your current stories, 
your past and your future planning.



I want to know. I want to listen. I want to accept. 
If I could, I want to be a part of it too.
Yes, I would.

8 Oct 2017

3 pagi.


Aku terbaca conversation lama lagi.
Aku tertengok gambar gambar lama lagi.
Aku terlihat last seen kau lagi.
Aku terpasang lagu playlist tidur piano aku dan ya, teringat kau lagi.

Aku teringat kau, lagi dan lagi.
Aku teringat kita, berkali kali..

Takkan pernah boleh patahkan masa kembali.
Takkan pernah boleh maniskan tawarnya hati.
Takkan pernah boleh jadi macam dulu lagi.

Rindu kita yang dulu? 
Ya.

Kembalikan kita yang dulu? 
Takkan pernah lagi.



3 Oct 2017

I don't know..


They asked me whether I'm okay or not.
I said I'm fine.

They said I look stressed out these days.
I said I'm good.

I don't whether I'm actually sad or I'm actually depressed.
I just don't wanna talk about it.

"Fikirkan orang, bukan settle masalah pun."

End.


Aku tak marah.
Aku tak nangis.
Aku tak melenting.

Aku sedih, tapi aku terima.
Aku kecewa, tapi aku terima. 

I did my best, 
and you did your part..

Even-though you're no longer with me always, 
please always be safe,
always be yourself, 
always be better and always be good.

I wish you the best, for everything.

Dengan ini;

Aku takkan cari lagi,
aku takkan tarik lagi,
aku takkan cuba lagi,
aku lepaskan kau pergi.

15 Sep 2017

Parents.


Dan menangis lah aku dalam diam, semalam. 
Tanpa mereka tahu kenapa dan tanpa mereka tahu..

I love you guys, so much..

12 Sep 2017

Sementara.


Sepuluh yang datang takkan pernah sama dengan satu yang pergi.

Sebab dia pergi, 
tinggalkan memori.

Sebab dia pergi, 
bawak hati.

Sebab dia pergi, 
rasa sepi menyelubungi diri. 

Walaupun realitinya dia pergi sebab permintaan aku sendiri..

29 Aug 2017

Empty.


Every time I see you, my heart sings.
Every time I see you, my heart sinks. 
But you know what's scarier?
When I don't feel both anymore.

25 Aug 2017

Hah.

Literally me.

21 Aug 2017

Stages of (Social) Life.


So hi.

Ada life progress yang takda orang nak tahu tapi aku nak bagitahu jugak haha.

I would say that my life is getting better, in terms of social life I guess?
I used to be this person that always get social anxious.

Each time pergi event sorang, cuak nak mampus.
Each time keluar dengan orang, penakut teruk.
Each time communicate dengan orang, awkward habis.
Each time jugak lagi prefer untuk keluar sorang sorang.

Anxiety is a thing that others can't understand.
I'm still getting nervous when I have to present in front people.
My hands getting cold when I have to introduce myself.

But.. I'm getting better.

Makan mamak sorang, takda hal.
Nampak orang aku kenal time berjalan sorang sorang, I can smile.
Bila keluar berdua, I can talk as long that I'm okay with the person.
Masih dalam level introvert, tapi confirm-confirm masih bukan extrovert.

Probably I'm just getting comfortable on living.

I honestly think that my social life starts at the age of 21.
That's when I met someone I don't know in real life.
That's when I started to join volunteering things alone.
That's when I started to fix my life back.
That's when everything starts..

12 Jul 2017

Buang.


Buat masa sekarang, apa aku nak buat ialah buang.

Buang manusia yang aku sikit pun tak perlu
Buang manusia yang tak mahu aku
Buang manusia yang hanya perlu aku bilamana mahu
Buang manusia yang tak tahu malu ketawakan aku
Buang manusia yang sikit pun tak offer diri bilamana perlu

Sebab apa?
Sebab penat.

Rasa macam bodoh buat baik kat orang yang sikit pun tak hargai kau.

Ya, benar. 
Tolong selagi mampu.
Tapi kalau tolong dah jadi bebanan aku?
Jadinya, elok menyendiri berbahagia sorang macam dulu.

21 Jun 2017

Sweet.


"Till the day I die, 
you'll be by my side, 
forever you and I."

Man, this song is sweet. 

20 Jun 2017

Mintak.


Tak mintak banyak.

Aku cuma nak mintak;
kau, 
aku, 
mereka,
dia,
dan semua -- okay sahaja.

Biar sedih tu kurang dan bahagia tu lebih.
Biar gaduh tu jarang dan rasa melengkapi tu selalu.

14 May 2017

Common sense?


Pandai pinjam, pandai pulang.
Pandai ambil, pandai beri balik.

Walaupun 10A, walaupun 4 flat; 
kalau dah camni perangai; kau tetap nampak bodoh dimata aku.

Simple, as, that.

13 May 2017

Life can be disappointing?



When you prioritize the wrong people,
When you ignore the right people,
When the one you focus on, focus on other people,
When the one you want, doesn't want you to be there. 


Maybe life isn't disappointing.. 
Maybe its just you and your choice.

8 May 2017

Hey.


Call me in the middle of the night, I'll answer.
Text me in the middle of the night, I'll reply.


28 Mar 2017

It's been awhile..

Alia Mustapha
Te Anau, NZ

I went to New Zealand for 10-11 days.
How was it? I just can't explain. 
You just have to see and you just have to go there.

Different day, different place, different view, different environment.
A simple description for my vacation.
It's like a temporary escape to my hectic life.

It can be tiring to work and study at the same time,
but the sacrifices will be worth it later on.


12 Mar 2017

Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat. 
Penat.

Bukan kau sorang penat, sebab aku pun dah tenat.

26 Feb 2017

Pla·gia·rism



It's 2017 and I still hold my belief that it's inappropriate to copy people's words and make it yours. 
Common sense..

:)

25 Feb 2017

Demotivated.


I can't laugh.
I don't feel happy.
I feel down.
I don't eat well.
I feel null.
I can't think straight.
I can't focus
I feel dull.

and I need help.
Or probably need time.
Or basically need space.

14 Feb 2017

Draft post lama: Salah.

11/11/15

Melayan, salah.
Tak layan, pun salah.

Sebenarnya..tak.
Bagi harapan; itu yang paling salah.

23 Jan 2017

Cute idea, but not for me.


The idea of being together for a long time, 
I can't deny.. It's cute.
Siapa je taknak, kan?

But..
I don't think I can do it. 
I don't think I can commit. 
I don't think I can feel it. 
I don't think I can keep it.
And I don't think it's going to work out for me either.

5 Jan 2017

Wants.


I wanna know.
I wanna know more.
I wanna know the thing most people don't know.
I wanna meet new people,
I wanna make new friends,
I wanna create new moments.
But to get all of these,
I really need to be more brave.
I need to be more confident.
I need to be less shy.
I just need to try.



3 Jan 2017

2017


Hi 2017.

It's been 3 days.
So far you're ok.
I can't expect my days to be okay all the time but all I can do is to face it well.

In terms of my long term goal..

2015 was the year of getting up and fixing shit up after being down and hibernate for awhile..
2016 was the year of stabilizing life..

2017? I don't know.
Yang mana negatif, keluar.
Yang mana positif, masuk.
Yang mana baik, lets just keep it.
Yang mana jahat, lets just let it go.
Masa kosong, bakal diisi.
Gambar-gambar, bakal disimpan rapi.
Akhir kata..
Let's just try to fulfill these days with positiveness, if can't..well with tolerance & patience then.
Shall we?

🙈🙉🙊