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About me

23 Dec 2019

Berserah.


Kemahuan tanpa kepastian adalah nafsu.
Keinginan tanpa komitmen adalah pembaziran.

Takda paksaan.
Tanpa jaminan.
Entah sampai bila.

Otak kata tidak, hati kata sebaliknya.

Entah.
Tak pasti samada bodoh ataupun buta.


29 Oct 2019

Gerak.

Whatever it is, kalau orangnya:-
buat hal berkali kali
tak lagi ambil masa untuk kita
buat kita rasa turn off banyak kali
berkali kali tegur masih sama
asyik rasa dia je betul
rasa macam things don't work out
rasa macam there's no future in this
makin lama makin makan hati
makin lama makin tawar hati
taknak berubah
dah tak lagi serasi
terlalu negatif
Pergi. 

4 Sept 2019

Last short semester.

When I was having an exam the other day, I started to see things more clearly.

The name of the subject would be Effective Communication.
Haa time exam baru belajar nyah.
Tak tahu lah aku buat apa dalam class selama ni.

I learned about how relationship works.
I also learned about how relationship wrecks.

Why in life we need communication?

  • To meet each others need.
  • To gain more information.
  • To lessen loneliness.
  • To maximize pleasure and minimize pain.
From here, I started to think;

If the communication only brings pain, then we should do something lah kan? Now that's when conflict comes. 
The way you handle conflict would change things.

How relationship works?

  1. Examine qualifiers. From here you see the qualities that you want at that particular person. Attractions.
  2. Determine clearance. At this point we observe. Does the person okay for us to reach?
  3. Make contact. Aha from here verbally or non verbally. Eye contact, senyum senyum, tegur.
  4. Experimenting; the process to get to know a person. 
  5. Intensifying; A desire to meet each other more often. Mutual thing. 
  6. Integrating; The person is becoming a part of life. Where people start to notice both of you.
  7. Bonding. Where you start to commit seriously. Like..a marriage.
How relationship wrecks?
  1. Differentiating. We start to see more differences instead of similarities.
  2. Circumscribing. We start to blame each other as communication interaction is decreasing and becoming negative.
  3. Stagnating. We start to engage life as individuals -- separately. 
  4. Avoiding. We start to avoid each other and the level of disagreements & frustration getting serious from here.
  5. Terminating. We no longer want to see each other and no longer want to be seen together.
As much as I can relate to these two, I freaking feel the 2nd part better.
In life we would have 5 different style to overcome conflicts..

I'm not sure myself which one is the best one for me.




4 Aug 2019

The Art of Letting Go.


At first, I can't. I'm not used to it..
It's because I genuinely care a lot.
It's because I sincerely just want to stay, keep them and cherish them with all I have.

And..I hurt myself.

But as the time goes by, I could see why. I could see more.
My perspective is broaden. My experience is widen. My view is expended.

I could see why letting go is the best thing that I've ever done.
I could see that accepting the reality is the most peaceful thing that I've ever done.

Tak pernah salah untuk melepaskan sesuatu kalau benda tu sedikit sebanyak membebankan.
Tak pernah salah untuk undur diri kalau benda tu lebih banyak menyakiti.
Tak pernah salah sedikit pun nak berpatah balik kepada diri sendiri, kalau diri selalu dipersoalkan.

There are people out there that can treat us right.
And what's important is when we treat ourselves right.

Love isn't supposed to hurt.
It wasn't healthy.
It wasn’t the way love is supposed to feel.
And leaving this isn't the end of the world.
And gives chances to re-learn about life.
It was a part of my life, it's not like it's my entire life.

I love myself enough that letting go is the best choice for myself.
I love you enough that letting go is the best choice for your freedom.

We set ourselves free so that we could go further, as individuals.
We set ourselves free so that we could be better, separately.
We set ourselves free from each other so that we could be happier.

Maybe, it's better that you're not around me.
Maybe, it's better for my mental health too.

I will always have myself.


17 Jun 2019

Alia, 25th.


Sejujurnya aku rasa bulan ni aku barai gila.
Aku breakdown haritu. 
Aku breakdown teruk that I have to take anti-depressant pills.
But also bila breakdown haritu aku tahu siapa yang ada dan siapa yang takda dengan aku.

Apparently the one aku harapkan takda pun dengan aku. Lol. 
So cam whatever selamat hari raya!!!!

Wishes from closest friends, came in.
I really appreciate the pure words that came from people I know.
It actually made me feel better. 
Pastu rasa terharu gila bila kenalan wish juga.

1 pagi, akak aku seru seru:


Dan esoknya kat office, my lunch buddies surprised me with a whole cake. And also Mcd: 
"jangan sedih sedih kena tinggal" T.T

I received more wishes..from my director as well. Hehe.



And when I got back home, I went to eat Sushi King with my family. 
Then AB came by, she gave me another slice of cake. 

MAKA HABIS LAH HARI JADI GUE PADA HARI ITUUUU.

Also, it's another journey for me again!!!!
I'm not sure I can do this time but I won't give up.




7 Jun 2019

Before 30s.


Here are points that I found through the net related with what we gotta do in 20s.

I think it's not necessary for us to follow these bulat-bulat.
Cukup sekadar guideline bilamana kau bodoh sangat. Haha.

Related with own self:
Finish your education.
Get a job.
Start savings. Don’t rack up debt. Start saving money ASAP.
Learn to accept and love yourself first. Know you're enough. Love yourself. Don't give up.
Learn to say no and with confidence.
Accept your limitations. Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Embrace failure.
Things don't work out for a reason. Forgive yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Take risks. Don’t be afraid to change directions. Change all the jobs you want.
Dreams require sacrifice. Live your dream. Be an innovator, evangelist, a disrupt-or, an atom bomb wherever you go.
Start small but steady. Aim for the stars, land on the moon.
Health is the priority. Take care of your body. Start taking good care of yourself now.
You're going to feel lost.
Time is your most precious resource. Everything takes time.
The older you get, the faster life goes by.
Invest in experiences, not things.
Don't make excuses, do apologize instead for your mistakes.
Don’t burn your bridges. Don’t rush to cram stuff into your twenties because you think you should.
Try to avoid thinking of your 30s as some kind of stopping point for fun things.
Buy a house.
Get married.


Related with habits:
Read everyday. Write every other day.
Stop all your bad habits.
Less video games, more reading.
Visit at least one foreign country.
Spend less time staring at a screen.


Related with surroundings:
Stop caring what people think.
Remove toxic people, toxic thoughts and toxic beliefs.
Do not spend one more minute of your life with someone who makes you feel like you are less than you are.
Learn to negotiate with politeness.
Spend more time with people.
Find a 3AM friend.
Be close to people who really like you.
Talk to your parents everyday.
Respect.
Start giving and earning.
Build upon friendships.
Make and maintain friends for life.
Network like crazy.
Stop running behind girls/boys.
You and your friends will change.
Eliminate negative people.

18 May 2019

Draft post: A stranger that I never talk to anymore.


13th Dec, 2017.
"As for dealing with humans. That’s the risk you have to take i guess? That’s the thing about trusting people. You’ll never know bila that person is going to turn their back on your or hurt you. But you can’t just generalise that with everyone sebab some people who you thought is going to hurt you or lie to you or take you for granted  could turn out to be a blessing in disguise. So I always don’t see why we can’t go ahead and let people in our life anyway. Because some people might actually worth the risk. Tapi tu lah. Unfortunately, other people can be such a snake and ruin everything. That’s why it is important to know your self worth. Sebab when you know that you deserve nothing but great things, it is easier to cut out those toxic people. At the end of the day, it is how much you do for yourself."

It's 2019 now, yknow.
I hope in life I would find real people.
I hope in life I would find better people.
I hope in life I would be real and better from time to time, too.

Wherever you are, the strangers I know -- I hope you guys are doing fine too.
Aaamin.

10 May 2019

Ex awkward-shit scenario?

I think being friends with your ex is fine.
BUT if you feel like your ex is replacing you so fast and having fun like nothing ever happened -- you stop.

Stop trying to know shit.
Stop being curious.
Stop the stalking thing.
Stop being a caring person even-though you're damn sincere about it.

You back-off, like a real ex.
You're deep down still in a healing process.
You don't really let go fully, that's why.

So..
Have some gaps.
Give some time.
Don't put any expectation.
And focus yourself instead.

Sampai lah kau rasa macam kau betul betul terima, kau akan ada mindset ni:
I'm glad that I actually lost you.
By losing you, I found something else. I found inner-peace.
However, it's never a regret to have you back then.
No grudges, no sad vibes. We're cool.
Haa gitchew.


Okay tu je. Babai.


8 May 2019

Bajet Kewangan Secara Am.

Ya, a very different post this time since I can't sleep.
Plus, I'm not actually an emo-sappy person in real life.
It's just I love to write about life and feelings in general.
But this time it's different.
This is a part of my thoughts, yang bikin aku ada goal untuk masa hadapan. Ceh.

To me, bajet kewangan secara amnya..
Ah yelah secara am, sebab takdanya bajet kewangan secara Am-pang kan..
Tak ramai sedar it's actually important.

Sejak usia dah makin meningkat ni aku selalu fikir pasal benda ni.
Man, why I don't think about this at all during my younger age? 
Aku rasa aku baru start fikir secara serious pasal benda ni, last year kot.
Dulu? Takda. At all.
Yang aku tahu kerja untuk aku sara part-time degree aku. Tu paling penting.
Aku tak peduli aku kopak. Yang aku tahu aku dapat bayar part-time degree aku.
Part time degree aku satu sem untuk 3 subject, RM2010 gitu eh. 3 subject tau.
Overall aku dah bayar lebih 17k sekarang.
IMAGINE IF I DON'T SAMBUNG DEGREEE.. Would I save that 17K?
I don't think so ha-ha-ha sedar sedar tak tahu duit hilang mana.

So, I actually see my studies fee as a part of investment in my life.
Present life, not ok. But in terms of future life, it's gonna be worthy.
Mungkin sebab itu aku tak berapa kisah pasal duit kurang, limited free time & no social life.

BUT

As we're growing up to become an adult..actually life is more than that.
Life is more than just commitment.

In life you have to think about 3 things basically.
Present life, future life and also happy life.
In term of financial; commitment, savings and expense.

Aku suka baca pasal saving tips orang.
Aku suka baca pasal financial management.
Aku suka baca pasal investment tips.

But in the end, aku conclude yang aku langsung tak pakai tips orang.
Aku modified, ikut kemampuan aku.
Sebab bagi aku, benda paling penting for financial management ni bila kau tahu apa kau nak.

Haa gitchew.

Kalau tak sedar-sedar lagi, cuba la fahamkan sikit-sikit.
It's better late than never, guys.
Sikit sikit lama-lama jadi bukit, kecuali kalau kau campak semua kat laut.

Save early so that you can retire early!!!!!! I'm planning to retire at the age of 55 ha that's why.
Ok babai,

Well Regards,
Alia (yang tak emo seperti yang disangka)

3 May 2019

Hati.


Kadang kadang apa yang kita nak, itu yang kita takkan dapat pegang lama.

Aku mohon agar kita bahagia.
Aku mohon agar kita tak disakiti sesiapa mahupun menyakiti sesiapa.
Aku mohon agar benda ni sedikit sebanyak buka jalan untuk kita.

Sebab untuk aku, aku pasti ini yang terbaik untuk diri aku.

Perasaan tu makin lama makin takda.
Aku tak boleh nak tipu diri sendiri.
Walaupun seringkali mencuba lagi dan lagi..
Kita takkan pernah boleh paksa, sebab apa?
Sebab seksa.

23 Apr 2019

Time off.




Buat masa sekarang, circle aku kecik sangat.

Sesiapa yang buat aku persoal diri aku -- aku buang.
Sesiapa yang non stop bagi unnecessary opinion pasal hidup aku -- aku tendang.
Sesiapa yang toxic nak mampus -- aku singkirkan.
Sesiapa yang memanjang bagi bad vibe kat aku -- aku degrade.
Sesiapa yang tak tunjuk effort langsung bila aku berhenti tunjuk effort aku -- aku biar.

Utamakan diri sendiri -- bukan benda yang selfish.
To me, selfish is when you only think about yourself without thinking about other people.
Yang aku buat sekarang ialah de-prioritize unnecessary stuff and focus on myself instead.

Lastly,
Kalau takda benda elok nak cakap, diam.
Kalau rasa benda tu menyakitkan hati, senyap.
Kalau menyedihkan selalu, fikir.
Kalau sekadar nak tahu dan bukan kisah betul, blah.
Okay sekian, terima kasih!

Be happy.


8 Apr 2019

Hard.


Ada benda, memang susah untuk aku terangkan.

Dan kalau aku bercerita, tak mungkin kau faham.
Dan bila aku meluah, mungkin sukar untuk kau hadam.
Maka dengan itu aku pilih untuk; pendam. 

Dan pendam ini aku luahkan dengan bentuk penulisan.

26 Mar 2019

Life phase.


2015 was the year where I start to do things in life. 
Career. Studies. Social life.


2016 was the year where I commit with things.


2017 was the year for me to just be free or to just live young. 
To try and error. 
To just live life separately. 
To do things alone.

2018 was the year of change. 
A better year. 
Achievements.

2019 to me is the year to go steady. 
The year of getting old. 
Getting old means saving some money and gaining some experience. 
To contribute. 
To achieve new goal. 
To think about long term plans..

But yaaaaaaaa..we'll see. We'll see.

6 Mar 2019

Uish.


Makin tua ni interest aka hobi aku makin mati.
Aku tak lagi rasa nak menulis macam dulu.
Aku tak lagi rasa nak kisah kat orang macam dulu.
Aku tak lagi rasa nak masuk campur pun dengan hidup sesiapa.

Benda benda kat atas ni maknanya apa? 
Aku makin matang?
Aku makin focus on hidup aku saja? 
Aku mula hilang harapan dengan manusia? 
Ataupun, demotivated?

Aku sendiri pun tak tahu.

BUT
Kalau aku tak kacau hidup kau, tolong jangan kacau hidup aku.
Kalau aku tak kenal kau in person, tolong jangan sibuk dengan hal hidup aku.

Nak kenal boleh tapi nak lebih-lebih, tak payah.

Sekian, terima kasih.

11 Feb 2019

Stop.



Stop whining.
Stop complaining.
Stop bitching.
Stop grumbling.

And lets..live?
That's it. Let's live.

18 Jan 2019

Why.


Why would you chase someone who is just not into you?
Why would you follow people that push you away?
Why would you pursue something that you know you don't get any mutual reaction?
Why would you trail something that always run away?
Why would you drag people?

Love yourself. 
Prioritize rightly. 
Let go. 
Let go.




2 Jan 2019

2019.

Selamat tahun 2019.

2018 adalah tahun paling aku rasa helok sangat untuk mental aku.
Mungkin tahun ni tahun helok untuk aku atur hidup aku dengan lebih efficient?

Stay tuned, guys. Stay tuned.


Bersambung lagi, nanti.


1 Jan 2019

Dear the 25 years old me, from the hujung-hujung 21 years old me.



  • Graduate, dah.
  • Kerja, dah.
  • Kawan rapat hilang, dah.
  • Degree tah kemana, tah.
  • Tiba tiba jumpa ramai orang baru.
  • Ganti sana ganti sini.


Eh, umur 21 ni memang ubah segalanya.
Don't plan things. Just don't.
Semoga aku yang umur 25 tu tak lost macam aku yang sekarang.
And and..happy new year, dear self.

Dear the 25 years old me, from the 20 years old me.



Takda sebab yang kukuh kenapa aku buat post ni. 
So hi, apparently this is from the 2014 me, to the 2014+5 years me. (kalau hidup lagi)
Tarikh harini, kecoh betul manusia kat Twitter dengan manusia berinstagramkan whothe_f.
Harapnya kau yang berumur 25 tahun ni tak terikut dengan manusia lalang.

Okay first of all, Alia yang berumur 20 tahun ini berharap agar Alia yang berumur 25 ni:
  1. Berubah, sebab aku ada feeling diri aku nanti sama je dengan dulu dari segi perangai.
  2. Carik suami, sebab ada feeling jugak menyatakan aku ni forever alone. (cecepat carik doh kau dah tua dah ni)
  3. Jadi orang yang berguna, sebab remaja berumur 20 tahun ini agak tak guna sekarang.
  4. Sikit pun jangan biar disentuh lelaki, kalau berpakwe tolong ingat prinsip kau (aku?!) dulu (sekarang?!) 
  5.  Take lots of picture. Just freaking do it. And save em dalam satu HDD.
Dan aku nak Alia yang berumur 25 tahun ini supaya ingat bahawa Alia yang 20 sekarang:
  1. Esok final, dan masih tak study, dan masih menaip macam esok takda benda. (pemalas, tolong ubah)
  2. Final sem, soon to be an intern at Zalora (kalau diizinkan Tuhan)
  3. Student yang comel, ada chance besar nak sambung kat MMU. (kita masuk MMU ke nanti?) 
Soo aku rasa umur 25 ni umur diantara enjoy enjoy dengan serious. Dear Alia berumur 25 tahun, tolong jadi cool sikit tapi jangan cool sangat. Eh?

Oh, dalam tempoh 5 tahun ni macam macam boleh berlaku kan? Aku harap family aku masih lengkap.
Sara mesti dah kahwin dengan min (anak buah?!), zura mungkin busy kerja ataupun carik jodoh (kahwin?!), maa dengan ayah? Semoga dipanjangkan umur mereka. Kalau dalam masa 5 tahun ni lost contact dengan kawan paling rapat kau sekarang, carik dia balik cause dapat rasa kau kejam, Alia.

Toodles! Semoga berjaya study! Semoga berjaya kerja! Semoga berjaya tolong parents! Semoga improve!
(I'm gonna schedule this to be posted in the same day, but different year!) (okay no, new year maybe!)
(tak sabar)